I'm getting in a program. I know that's what Pete would want.

Hello to all. I haven’t blogged here in a while. I’ve been devoting most of my blog time to the Burnt Toast Diner. I’ve decided, however, that I need to change things around a bit. I’m not the same man I used to be; and I think my blog should reflect these changes. Over the next few weeks, I’ll get around to explaining what has been going on in my life. Until that time, let me catch you up on a few things. Lately, everyone has been commenting on my drinking problem…as if they wouldn’t drink if they lost their only brother in an explosion. Pishh, whatever.

The silver lining for my problem is... I just found out Peter didn’t die after all…It makes my drinking a little pointless. Of course, now I’ve developed this problem with it and even worse than that, I’ve been having extreme moments of emo. I think I was subconsciously channeling Pete…My little Pete. SQUEE!!! He is alive! Muhaaaa. I love the world right now! Naturally, I can’t allow Petey to see me like this, so I’m going to my first AA meeting tonight. If I’m lucky, I’ll run into that saucy vixen Niki, but she just injected herself with a virus (to save me of course) so she may be a too busy to go to do the AA thing. All isn’t lost though. I’ve got my handy name tag to help me connect with people. It’s quite the ice breaker. If I had known there were so many chicks in AA, I would have signed up a long time ago.

My sincerest regrets

Several months have passed and it occurs to me, I have not lived up to a few promises. I was going to blog, participate in a few challenges and the like, but I never quite made it. In fact, I haven't been on the ball with my own blog either. I'm deeply ashamed...sort of...

Really, if you expected more from me, it is your own fault for putting your faith in a politician... Just kidding...sort of...

I don't want to make promises again, but I will try to knock out a few more post before Sept. 29, 2007...not that anything out of the ordinary is happening on that day. You will certainly see no flying or dying or any other mysterious happenings. Nope, everything will be perfectly normal...sort of...

On a side note, if anyone could spare a razor, I'd appreciate it. The new look has been interfering with my ability to pick up chicks.

I'm a ghost in purgatory...

My Fellow Heroes:

In my last blog at the Burnt Toast Café, I told you of my unfortunate demise and my subsequent trial in purgatory. Since my death occurred while performing a selfless act, I did manage to avoid the inferno. However, my questionable past also prevented me from entering Paradise. I did manage to distract myself from my fate by participating in the Last Gladiator Standing competition, but I was voted off earlier this week. At first, I pondered the injustice of it all; but then it occurred to me…My failure at the games may be a part of my overall destiny as a hero.

If memory serves me correctly, Dante had to journey up through the seven levels of purgatory as a means of redemption to enter paradise. I only skimmed that book in college, so I’m not entirely sure… Of course, I’m not trying to enter paradise, at least not yet. I want to go back to earth and try to redeem myself there. Hoping I would find a friendly soul, I looked around my immediate area. Sadly there was no real help to be found, but I did run into a cranky old man. He reminded me of Hot Wheels, my arch nemesis, but he said his name was Cato.

Anyway, Cato interrogated me about how I ended up here, and then informed me he had seen my type before and I would be screaming from the inferno soon enough. I begged him for help, but he would give me none. He did say the last time someone passed through purgatory, they had a spirit guide. He paused when he said this and looked around…Then the little jerk said, “I guess you don’t have one.” (Like I said, he reminded me of Hot Wheels.) Fortunately, what he said did jog my memory. I do remember that Dante had help from the spirit of Virgil on his journey through Purgatory. Virgil was sent by request to aid him, so what I needed was someone to send a spirit to help me. It was then that I decided to say a little prayer, hoping my dear Dad would hear me and send help.

When I opened my eyes, I was standing outside of a thatched hut. As far as the eye could see was beautiful green grass. A nice breeze rolled across the plain shifting the flowers back and forth in front of the window seal. Good old Dad, he really came through for me. I knocked on the door; and after a few minutes, it slowly creaked open. To my surprise, no one was there. I stood motionless for a moment wondering if the spirit in question was invisible. When I called out to ask if anyone was there, I received a sharp rap across my knee caps. I looked down only to find this guy.

After the initial surprise wore off, I said, “Aren’t you the guy who got lucky with Dolly Parton?”
You could have heard a pin drop in the silence that followed my comment. When the spirit (I learned his name is Master Yoda.) finally spoke, he said, “When reach my age- you do, get laid as much-you will not.

To this I could only smile. I leaned forward and assured him, “I’m not judging. I’m just impressed.” I then went on to tell him of my predicament, ending my story by telling him I was glad Dad came through for me and sent me to him. According to Yoda, he was advised by a woman that a visitor would soon arrive. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by that either. I guess there are lots of chicks in heaven who love me and want to see me happy. I did wonder about Dad, but I didn’t get the opportunity to question Master Yoda about him because Master Yoda spoke up and said, “Rest tonight-you must. Tomorrow-begin your journey-you will.”

He also pointed out to me that since I am going in the opposite direction Dante took, I will have to travel through the seven levels of purgatory in the opposite direction. Ironically enough, this meant that I would have to start in the level of purgatory that is portioned off for those who are ruled by lust. I feel a fit of nervous laughter coming…

Stay tuned.

Your loyal public servant

Nathan Petrelli's Victory Speech:

One of my better speeches.

*****
A landslide! That's what they called it! During my campaign I spoke a lot about family. My mother is here tonight, my wife, and the boys. I'm sorry my brother can't be with us. But I know Peter cares about this city more than anyone. Our father always said we had a responsibility to use what God gave us, to help others, to make a real difference in the world. Pop believed in making the hard choices, for the greater good. So do I. Our children deserve that. They deserve a better future. A future where they don't have to face their fears alone, but can look into the darkness, and find hope. I challenge everyone here to inspire by example. To fight the battle, no matter the cost. The world is sick. It's spinning out of control. But with our help... it can heal. With our love, compassion, and strength. So let's put aside our differences, and embrace our common goals. Let's do it for our children. Let's show them all what we're capable of.

A Msg from your Ghostly Congressman

Those of you who have been keeping track of the Last Gladiator Standing Challenge may already be aware of my new friend Hana. She helped me post to that blog and now she is helping me with this one. My ghostly hands are having trouble typing, and Hana has been a great source of help for me. You can check it out here if you like.

http://www.blogger.com/%22http://last-gladiator2.blogspot.com/2007/05/i-flung-stuff-they-flung-stuff.html

Anyway, Hana has been able to help me get the make-out music off of my site, but she liked the Bushisms too much to remove them. So we compromised and she put them at the bottom of my page. She also made a few up-dates that I do like. To the left you will see a wonderful picture of me, but you will also see a video bar. If you click on the bar, a video will appear at the top of the page. I tried to talk Hana into adding my speach to the bar, but she chose to put up a video about me and Peter instead. She thinks the two of us are sweet. Go figure.

In other news, I have to appologize to all of those who filled out applications for dating Peter. My untimely death, has put me behind in making a final decision. I'm also unsure if I will be able to force my will upon Peter while dead, but we will see how that part goes later.

I will continue to work with Hana and try to convince her to help me with my page, so check back anytime and leave me a message.

As always, Let's make America a better place.

Your Congressman Nathan Petrelli

Nathan's Stalker Here

I was sitting in my chair staring at a picture of Petrelli. It was very difficult to get this photo. Of course my camera battery went dead after I got it and I missed the really good stuff that blackmail opportunities are made of... What happened in that room with Saka, would make a porn star blush. You can go to http://last-gladiator2.blogspot.com/2007/05/ive-got-some-hairits-shiny.html and find out more about that situation. Anyway, as I was saying, I was staring at a photo of Petrelli and wondering what I could do to torture him today. Then it dawned on me. Nathan is so conceited, he would hate it if I talked about someone else on his blog.... He can be such a pr%$k. After a few hours of comptemplation, I decided Sylar is a pretty good topic. What can I say about him...Unusual...Killer....looks great in high heels. Maybe it would be a good idea to warn Sylar about something.

Sylar, if you're out there, I want you to know if you kill Nathan before I have a chance to snap and do it myself, I will be forced to stalk you instead. I have already browsed through your panty drawer and to prove my point I replaced your panties with boxers. I even went on-line to see if I can find additional information on you for future use. It turns out there is a large proportion of people out there who find you stimulating. Who would have guessed?? Some of these people, are even hoping you will steal Mohinder's heart?? Go figure there too... I guess that accounts for this banner I saw in one of the forums. Did you make this banner?

Application

My Fellow Americans:

This is the real Nathan Petrelli. I feel I must say this to you due to the recent activities of my stalker. Fortunately, I am here today with news many of you have expressed an interest in....

I have received much interest from the female population and some interest from the male population about dating my brother, Peter. Well, in spite of what my Mother says, I AM in charge of Peter. Mother may run my life, but I run Peter’s. In short, you have come to the correct person… Conversely, I am sure you can imagine how a family of such wealth and esteem must keep up appearances. Therefore, those of you who have a strong interest will be required to complete the following application. You may complete it and return it to campaign headquarters or you may copy and paste in the comment section.

*******************************************************

NOTE: This application will be considered incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, driving record, lineage, and current certified medical report (including drug tests) from your doctor.

*******************************************************

Name ____________________ Date of birth _________ Sex____
Employment (self employed preferred) _______ Annual Income ___________

*************************************

1) Family History (i.e.) Parents status in society.
Note: If you don't feel your family history is not strong enough, make sure your annual Income is at least seven figures. _________________________________________

2) How would you be an asset to our family? ____________________________________

3) Do you have a tattoo, an earring, nose ring, or any other odd piercing?_____(If "yes" to any of #3, discontinue application)

4) Would you be willing to take a hit for the team, and give periodic haircuts while Peter is sleeping? _________________________________________________

5) Do you like a man who cries at movies, commercials, and intersections?_______________________________________________________
If your answer is no, proceed at your own risk. You will not be happy in this relationship.)

6) Do you like spending your free time watching a grown man chase butterflies ____________________________________________
If your answer is no, again you are unlikely to be happy in this relationship. You should discontinue the application now.)

7)Are you afraid of spiders or any type of insect? ____If yes, would you be willing to seek help in overcoming this fear? ____________________________________
(If your answer is no to both questions, discontinue application. You must be able to kill bugs for Peter. He scares easily. NO…Super powers have not diminished his fear of bugs.)

8) Do you secretly feel that Nathan is more handsome than Peter?_____________
(If your answer is no, you may discontinue application.)
********************************************************
As you may be aware, Peter is a very sensitive soul. You may think I am picking on my little bro, but this is not the case. I love him very much, and this application is to find the most suitable person to maintain his happiness. So it is with this in mind I must advise you…By submitting this application you are agreeing to the following: You are not permitted to date other people unless Peter is OK with this arrangement. Otherwise, once you begin your relationship with Peter, you will continue in this relationship until he is through with you. If you make him cry, I will not only ruin you financially, I will also ruin your children’s children. ************************************************************
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE-AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS. ________________________________________
Signature

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six months for processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved.

Do you still want to date my brother?
_____ Yes, please accept my application
_____ I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong web site...

I'm Nathan's Stalker Today... and Your's Tomorrow....

Hello...THIS IS NATHAN'S STALKER...He is a moron...A sexy moron, but a moron none the less. He doesn't even know the difference between Mohinder and the Real Mohinder....I mean really people....one of them is a lizard. He also has a bunch of idiots working for him.They can't figure out how to delete all the things I have added to his site...Like the Bush smileys and the Nathan Petrelli Make Out music.... Muhhaaaaa.....

I searched the internet to see if I could find any other people who would be willing to stalk him when I am busy with other business. At the moment, this is the only candidate for the job...(video deleted by stalker)

****Well back to square one.**** I eliminated the last potential stalker, he was giving me the creeps.

New Skills

My Fellow Citizens:

I must apologize for taking so long to post to my regular blog. I have been busy with Linderman and such…Considering that I am stuck in Vegas for a little while longer, I thought I would make good use of the time and learn some new skills. When you look at me, I know you wonder why I want to add yet another skill to my long list of attributes. You see an incredibly good-looking man with a lot going for him, and you are correct on both counts.

However, it occurs to me that the world is changing in ways that I don’t believe I can share with you at this time. Consequently, I find myself in a position where I feel it would be in my best interest to become a master at Ka-ray-tay. Yes, my friends, I have enlisted a master to teach me the art of Ka-ray-tay. He is helping me get in touch with my inner Confucius.

The training is coming along well. I had my Master take a picture of me. I hope you like it. I had to doctor the picture. It turns out that it really isn’t a good idea to wear loose shorts and raise your leg up like that.

Well so long for now. I hope to talk to you again soon.

Nathan Petrelli
Future Congressman

The Hard Decision

My fellow New Yorkers:

Things have been rather eventful in my life as of late. I recently had the most perplexing question asked of me. It has made me ponder the decisions I have made. I realize that I am not a happy person. There are a few issues in my life that plague me. I have spent countless hours trying to analyze my decision. Even now, as I write this blog, I wonder have I made the right choice? Of course in the world we live in, I can always change my mind, but I fear with the election looming, any choice I make could be the fatal one...So I come to you now, my fellow New Yorkers, please help me decide...

The Andy Griffith Hair Cut

(part to the side and bush on top)

Or the GQ Hair Cut

(Just the right amount of hair gel.)

I look to you, my friends, to help me decide. (Please respond before my next campaign speech, if possible.)

Nathan Petrelli

Congressional Candidate

I'm doing it for my country.

My fellow citizens:


I just wanted to take a brief moment to reiterate my commitment to working for a better New York and a better America. I have worked tirelessly on my campaign, and I shall work tirelessly once elected. In order to prove my commitment, I feel like I should recount a recent event in my life.


While preparing a case for the DA's office, I came across evidence of money laundering. This is money that was stolen from you, the hard working citizens of this state. At great personal risk to myself, I felt I should confront these thugs. Sadly, I met with some opposition... I was fortunate to slip past these men unharmed.









However, when I arrived at my hotel room, I had a run in with someone I had met in the past. She was willing to go for my manhood if I didn't give her what she wanted. Fortunately what she was after was easy to provide.





It was a sacrifice to give myself in this manner, but I do it for you…The good citizens of my state, and when elected, I plan on giving it to each of you personally. Oh, Sylar, if the future proves me to be a democrat, we may have something to talk about.

Job Outsourcing

My fellow New Yorkers:

Over the past month, I have had my campaign volunteers go out onto the streets and interview, you, my fellow New Yorkers to find out what issues are on your mind. Your response was one of outrage over the way jobs are being outsourced overseas. My campaign volunteers tell me that you are tired of seeing workers of third world countries being abused and used for the greed of private industry.
I would like all of you to know, that should you elect me as your Congressman, I will work with policy and law makers to ensure that jobs are not outsourced to the poor underprivileged of other countries. I will make it my mission to keep these jobs in America, were the millions of immigrants on our soil can be misused and abused. I urge you to join with me in making a New York a place of equal-opportunity exploitation.

Vote Petrelli
This message brought to you by The Nathan Petrelli for Congress Fund

The views in this speech are not necessarily the views held by: This site, The Writer, The Campaign Manager, or even Nathan Petrelli.

Bad Day

Thursday, 8:00 pm

What a day I’ve had...Whew…It started this morning when I overslept. I jumped out of the bed and ran to the shower. It was then that I noticed my little Buddy was staring at my feet instead of my beautiful face. (When I say little, it’s just figurative. It’s more like Oh My God Buddy, but I don’t like to brag...I am very humble...Anyone who receives a paycheck from me will tell you.) Well, I don’t want to go into details about that because it didn’t last long…I only mention it now to indicate how my day started off bad…You know what........ just forget that last part. Let me start again. I had a bad day today...

Since I was running so far behind, I had to stop at a drive thru for breakfast. I ordered a coffee. The young girl at the window was so enamored of my chiseled features that she dropped the coffee on me, forcing me to return home to change clothes. By the time I changed, I was running so far behind I had to “fly” to campaign headquarters.

When I arrived at my campaign headquarters, I had several messages waiting for me. I cringed when I saw the first was from the NYPD. As I called my contact there, I wondered if this was a Peter problem or a Mother problem. This time it was my Mother. I rush down to the station and bailed her out for shoplifting, AGAIN. I asked her, “What did I ever do to you? You can’t still be holding a grudge for 32 hours worth of labor.” She just flipped her stupid hair, that must be where Peter gets it, and laughed at me like it was a joke. As we left the police station, I called headquarters. Just as I had suspected, the press had already got the story on the wire. I was 4 points behind as of yesterday. I don't know that I can get enough money from Linderman to bail me out this time.

Of course the story doesn’t end there, while I was bailing out Mother, Peter left me a voice mail to meet him at his apartment. God…What now?? When I arrived at his apartment, he wasn’t there. Great!! As I turned to leave the apartment, I was attacked by… nothing… No…Crap…It was Peter. The little snot has learned how to make himself invisible. I hope he isn’t planning to tell anybody about that…This is great, just great. The election is in a few days, Mother is getting arrested, and Peter is wasting my time playing hide-and-seek. Will he ever just grow up? He acts like I have it all. You know I wouldn’t mind living in Peter’s shoes for a while. It must be nice to quit your job and daydream about saving the world all day long. Maybe I want to sleep late, mope around, & grow effeminate hair…lol, lol, lol. Who am I kidding? I am so gorgeous I want to kiss my own face in the mirror. Plus one day, I will rule…I mean run this country.

Well I must go for now. Remember we must stay the course. Blah, blah, blah…Vote Petrelli