Thursday, June 7, 2007

I'm a ghost in purgatory...

My Fellow Heroes:

In my last blog at the Burnt Toast Café, I told you of my unfortunate demise and my subsequent trial in purgatory. Since my death occurred while performing a selfless act, I did manage to avoid the inferno. However, my questionable past also prevented me from entering Paradise. I did manage to distract myself from my fate by participating in the Last Gladiator Standing competition, but I was voted off earlier this week. At first, I pondered the injustice of it all; but then it occurred to me…My failure at the games may be a part of my overall destiny as a hero.

If memory serves me correctly, Dante had to journey up through the seven levels of purgatory as a means of redemption to enter paradise. I only skimmed that book in college, so I’m not entirely sure… Of course, I’m not trying to enter paradise, at least not yet. I want to go back to earth and try to redeem myself there. Hoping I would find a friendly soul, I looked around my immediate area. Sadly there was no real help to be found, but I did run into a cranky old man. He reminded me of Hot Wheels, my arch nemesis, but he said his name was Cato.

Anyway, Cato interrogated me about how I ended up here, and then informed me he had seen my type before and I would be screaming from the inferno soon enough. I begged him for help, but he would give me none. He did say the last time someone passed through purgatory, they had a spirit guide. He paused when he said this and looked around…Then the little jerk said, “I guess you don’t have one.” (Like I said, he reminded me of Hot Wheels.) Fortunately, what he said did jog my memory. I do remember that Dante had help from the spirit of Virgil on his journey through Purgatory. Virgil was sent by request to aid him, so what I needed was someone to send a spirit to help me. It was then that I decided to say a little prayer, hoping my dear Dad would hear me and send help.

When I opened my eyes, I was standing outside of a thatched hut. As far as the eye could see was beautiful green grass. A nice breeze rolled across the plain shifting the flowers back and forth in front of the window seal. Good old Dad, he really came through for me. I knocked on the door; and after a few minutes, it slowly creaked open. To my surprise, no one was there. I stood motionless for a moment wondering if the spirit in question was invisible. When I called out to ask if anyone was there, I received a sharp rap across my knee caps. I looked down only to find this guy.

After the initial surprise wore off, I said, “Aren’t you the guy who got lucky with Dolly Parton?”
You could have heard a pin drop in the silence that followed my comment. When the spirit (I learned his name is Master Yoda.) finally spoke, he said, “When reach my age- you do, get laid as much-you will not.

To this I could only smile. I leaned forward and assured him, “I’m not judging. I’m just impressed.” I then went on to tell him of my predicament, ending my story by telling him I was glad Dad came through for me and sent me to him. According to Yoda, he was advised by a woman that a visitor would soon arrive. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by that either. I guess there are lots of chicks in heaven who love me and want to see me happy. I did wonder about Dad, but I didn’t get the opportunity to question Master Yoda about him because Master Yoda spoke up and said, “Rest tonight-you must. Tomorrow-begin your journey-you will.”

He also pointed out to me that since I am going in the opposite direction Dante took, I will have to travel through the seven levels of purgatory in the opposite direction. Ironically enough, this meant that I would have to start in the level of purgatory that is portioned off for those who are ruled by lust. I feel a fit of nervous laughter coming…

Stay tuned.

Your loyal public servant


Dark Jedi Kriss said...

I have pictures of Yoda with Miss P...scarey things they are!

Professor Xavier said...

The idea of Yoda getting it on with anything other than a hammock is really, really creepy.

Ghost of Congressman Nathan Petrelli said...

I didn't know guest had dropped by to see me. It gets lonely in purgatory.

Although I feel one day Hot Wheels will be spending some time here. I promise to put in a good word for you. HA

Always wonderful to see you Dark Kriss.

Summer Dawn O'Ciardha said...

Mr. Petrelli, this has nothing to do with banishing you... Could you send me an e-mail?

Ghost of Congressman Nathan Petrelli said...

Yes, but I don't have your email address.

Professor Xavier said...

So how's life in limbo, Nathan?

Ghost of Congressman Nathan Petrelli said...

Well, I've had a new adventure, but I haven't had a chance to blog about it. Yoda's constantly on my A$$. Even now I can hear him.

Kiss my wrinkled, green a$$, you must.

Professor Xavier said...

That little guy is a real butt-inski. Just can't leave things alone.

Superman said...

I was wondering if you'd like to join my game at

if so eamil me at supermanclarkent

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