Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Application

My Fellow Americans:

This is the real Nathan Petrelli. I feel I must say this to you due to the recent activities of my stalker. Fortunately, I am here today with news many of you have expressed an interest in....

I have received much interest from the female population and some interest from the male population about dating my brother, Peter. Well, in spite of what my Mother says, I AM in charge of Peter. Mother may run my life, but I run Peter’s. In short, you have come to the correct person… Conversely, I am sure you can imagine how a family of such wealth and esteem must keep up appearances. Therefore, those of you who have a strong interest will be required to complete the following application. You may complete it and return it to campaign headquarters or you may copy and paste in the comment section.

*******************************************************

NOTE: This application will be considered incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, driving record, lineage, and current certified medical report (including drug tests) from your doctor.

*******************************************************

Name ____________________ Date of birth _________ Sex____
Employment (self employed preferred) _______ Annual Income ___________

*************************************

1) Family History (i.e.) Parents status in society.
Note: If you don't feel your family history is not strong enough, make sure your annual Income is at least seven figures. _________________________________________

2) How would you be an asset to our family? ____________________________________

3) Do you have a tattoo, an earring, nose ring, or any other odd piercing?_____(If "yes" to any of #3, discontinue application)

4) Would you be willing to take a hit for the team, and give periodic haircuts while Peter is sleeping? _________________________________________________

5) Do you like a man who cries at movies, commercials, and intersections?_______________________________________________________
If your answer is no, proceed at your own risk. You will not be happy in this relationship.)

6) Do you like spending your free time watching a grown man chase butterflies ____________________________________________
If your answer is no, again you are unlikely to be happy in this relationship. You should discontinue the application now.)

7)Are you afraid of spiders or any type of insect? ____If yes, would you be willing to seek help in overcoming this fear? ____________________________________
(If your answer is no to both questions, discontinue application. You must be able to kill bugs for Peter. He scares easily. NO…Super powers have not diminished his fear of bugs.)

8) Do you secretly feel that Nathan is more handsome than Peter?_____________
(If your answer is no, you may discontinue application.)
********************************************************
As you may be aware, Peter is a very sensitive soul. You may think I am picking on my little bro, but this is not the case. I love him very much, and this application is to find the most suitable person to maintain his happiness. So it is with this in mind I must advise you…By submitting this application you are agreeing to the following: You are not permitted to date other people unless Peter is OK with this arrangement. Otherwise, once you begin your relationship with Peter, you will continue in this relationship until he is through with you. If you make him cry, I will not only ruin you financially, I will also ruin your children’s children. ************************************************************
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE-AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS. ________________________________________
Signature

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six months for processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved.

Do you still want to date my brother?
_____ Yes, please accept my application
_____ I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong web site...

26 comments:

Svetlana Smith said...

I'm too busy being distracted by the sight of your visage staring back at me from the New York Times to fill out your application.

Oh God, what will Mohinder think?! I feel so dirty! (;_;)

~ Lana

Nathan Petrelli said...

What Mohinder doesn't know, will not kill me. Dirty Girl..Twinkies later? ;)

Dark Jedi Kriss said...

Did you just say Twinkies?

Nathan Petrelli said...

Why yes I did. Are you a twinkies kind of woman too. I would never have guessed.

Angela Dominique Ames Petrelli said...

Do you want me to inform the public about your particular styles of sleepwear...i.e. the adult size Dixie Chicks footie pajamas or the real age you finally stopped wetting the bed?

Claire Bennet said...

...ew.

Sylar said...

Name: sylarz
Date of birth: a hottie nvr reveals her age
Sex: a lil from column A a lil from column B
Employment: cereal killer
Annual Income: 417 brainz/year

*************************************

1) Family History (i.e.) Parents status in society.
Note: If you don't feel your family history is not strong enough, make sure your annual Income is at least seven figures.
watchma...uh i mean my mommy wuz a jet pilot n my daddy wuz a dictator

2) How would you be an asset to our family?
i kin kill peeps 4 u! n mayb evn u!

3) Do you have a tattoo, an earring, nose ring, or any other odd piercing?
ye...i mean no!

4) Would you be willing to take a hit for the team, and give periodic haircuts while Peter is sleeping?
i think u no the answer 2 that 1 i already did it in while he wuz awake lol!

5) Do you like a man who cries at movies, commercials, and intersections?
not rly but i cud make a xception 4 pete!

6) Do you like spending your free time watching a grown man chase butterflies
ive been nown 2 do that frum time 2 time!

7)Are you afraid of spiders or any type of insect?
ewww buggies r gross!

8) Do you secretly feel that Nathan is more handsome than Peter?ur both prty cute ;)

********************************************************
As you may be aware, Peter is a very sensitive soul. You may think I am picking on my little bro, but this is not the case. I love him very much, and this application is to find the most suitable person to maintain his happiness. So it is with this in mind I must advise you…By submitting this application you are agreeing to the following: You are not permitted to date other people unless Peter is OK with this arrangement. Otherwise, once you begin your relationship with Peter, you will continue in this relationship until he is through with you. If you make him cry, I will not only ruin you financially, I will also ruin your children’s children. ************************************************************
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE-AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS.

sylarz
Signature


Do you still want to date my brother?
__X__ Yes, please accept my application
_____ I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong web site...

Svetlana Smith said...

Name Svetlana Smith
Date of birth July 23, 1979
Sex F
Employment (self employed preferred) Self-employed theatre tech geek/superhero
Annual Income Enough to pay rent and buy Twinkies
*************************************
1) Family History (i.e.) Parents status in society.
Crazy immigrants.
2) How would you be an asset to our family? By bringing chubby back.
3) Do you have a tattoo, an earring, nose ring, or any other odd piercing? What girl doesn't have earrings?
4) Would you be willing to take a hit for the team, and give periodic haircuts while Peter is sleeping? I love giving haircuts to emo kids! Cutting them is so much more fun than watching them cut themselves.
5) Do you like a man who cries at movies, commercials, and intersections? Yes!
6) Do you like spending your free time watching a grown man chase butterflies I love butterflies. (^_^)
7)Are you afraid of spiders or any type of insect? Yes. If yes, would you be willing to seek help in overcoming this fear? Yes. But can't Peter crush the bugs with TK?
8) Do you secretly feel that Nathan is more handsome than Peter?Of course. There's no way Peter would look as good in nothing but flowers around his waist.
********************************************************
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE-AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS. Svetlana Smith

Do you still want to date my brother?
_____ Yes, please accept my application
X I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong web site...

Aww, and here I thought this was an application to date you. Damn. You led me on!

(Twinkies later?)

~ Lana

Nathan Petrelli said...

Wow. The applications are rolling in...

In order of appearance:
Mother, You are more ambitious than I am. You would never do anything to jepordize your own chances to rule the world through me. ;)

Claire: Are you packed for Paris yet?

Sylar: You're in the maybe pile. If we could cut a deal that prevents you from killing the people I like, we might be able to work something out.

Svet: I was worried for a second there. lol Twinkies at 6:00 EST. Wear something that pushes up the Bresticles. ;)

Svetlana Smith said...

Can I invite Mohinder along, or is three too awkward? I have an out of town friend who'd like to give your brother Peter a hug.

~ Lana

Nathan Petrelli said...

I can't officially give my consent for you to bring Mohinder. You know politics. Although, I wouldn't kick him out if you brought him..

Em said...

Did Simone have to go through this? Is that why she stayed with the heroin-addicted painter for so long?

Mr. Bennet said...

I'd fill out an application, but only if you give up immunity for your team on Last Gladiator Standing!

Nathan Petrelli said...

Hi Em:
Simone was a one-of-a-kind, and she was tricky. She snuck around my interview process and went straight for Peter. I didn't know they were together until I dropped by his apartment unexpectedly.

Bennet: Ha...No way am I giving up immunity. I'm on borrowed time as it is. I know this may surprise you, but not everyone warms up to me right away.

Em said...

Name: Emmaline R.
Date of birth: 10-13-89
Sex: female
Employment (self employed preferred): art school
Annual Income: enough!

*************************************

1) Family History (i.e.) Parents status in society.

My mother comes from a line of Japanese businessmen/politicians. My dad comes from a line of truck drivers.

2) How would you be an asset to our family?: By being an all-around wonderful person? =D

3) Do you have a tattoo, an earring, nose ring, or any other odd piercing? Just pierced ears.

4) Would you be willing to take a hit for the team, and give periodic haircuts while Peter is sleeping?: No problem.

5) Do you like a man who cries at movies, commercials, and intersections? Yep.

6) Do you like spending your free time watching a grown man chase butterflies?: I'd be the one chasing butterflies!

7)Are you afraid of spiders or any type of insect?: I'm not fond of them.

If yes, would you be willing to seek help in overcoming this fear?: Sure!

8) Do you secretly feel that Nathan is more handsome than Peter?

Nathan's the guy you have a good time with. Peter's the guy you drag home.

************************************************************
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE-AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS.

Emmaline R.

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six months for processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved.

Do you still want to date my brother? hell yeah!

Yes, please accept my application-check!

Nathan Petrelli said...

EM: You are certainly a front runner at the moment. I will put you at the top of my maybe stack.

Jan the Intergalactic Aviator said...

Name Jan the Intergalactic Aviator Date of birth Not revealed SexYou better believe that I'm a woman or I'll have to slap that stupid smirk off your face, jerk
Employment (self employed preferred) Intergalactic Aviator Annual Income Approximately 89,000 Space Bucks

*************************************

1) Family History (i.e.) Parents status in society.
Note: If you don't feel your family history is not strong enough, make sure your annual Income is at least seven figures. I am the last mamber of my race. Ha ha, JK

2) How would you be an asset to our family? If you have anything that needs to be flown to the next galaxy, I'm your woman.

3) Do you have a tattoo, an earring, nose ring, or any other odd piercing?_____(If "yes" to any of #3, discontinue application)

4) Would you be willing to take a hit for the team, and give periodic haircuts while Peter is sleeping? Definitely. real men wear high and tights.

5) Do you like a man who cries at movies, commercials, and intersections?Seriously? I mean, it's not from alergies or anything is it?

If your answer is no, proceed at your own risk. You will not be happy in this relationship.)

6) Do you like spending your free time watching a grown man chase butterflies Are they the deadly rocket butterflies of Terafomr 6? Because I'd like to see him try to chase one of those
If your answer is no, again you are unlikely to be happy in this relationship. You should discontinue the application now.)

7)Are you afraid of spiders or any type of insect? ____If yes, would you be willing to seek help in overcoming this fear? I'm not a big fan of the silicon spiders of Senturia 1, but other than that, no problem
(If your answer is no to both questions, discontinue application. You must be able to kill bugs for Peter. He scares easily. NO…Super powers have not diminished his fear of bugs.)

8) Do you secretly feel that Nathan is more handsome than Peter?Oooh yes. It's the ahircut and the square jaw.
(If your answer is no, you may discontinue application.)
********************************************************
As you may be aware, Peter is a very sensitive soul. You may think I am picking on my little bro, but this is not the case. I love him very much, and this application is to find the most suitable person to maintain his happiness. So it is with this in mind I must advise you…By submitting this application you are agreeing to the following: You are not permitted to date other people unless Peter is OK with this arrangement. Otherwise, once you begin your relationship with Peter, you will continue in this relationship until he is through with you. If you make him cry, I will not only ruin you financially, I will also ruin your children’s children. ************************************************************
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE-AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS. ________________________________________
Signature
Jan the Intergalactic Aviator

Mabes said...

Name __Meaghan__ Date of birth ___1/28/87__ Sex_F_
Employment (self employed preferred) ___sure___ Annual Income __$10000000000____

*************************************

1) cool people

2) I'll do anything for 5 dollars.
3) sir no sir

4) as long as i can keep the hair

5) sure okay

6) sure okay

7) thats fine

8) I smell an affair...
********************************************************
As you may be aware, Peter is a very sensitive soul. You may think I am picking on my little bro, but this is not the case. I love him very much, and this application is to find the most suitable person to maintain his happiness. So it is with this in mind I must advise you…By submitting this application you are agreeing to the following: You are not permitted to date other people unless Peter is OK with this arrangement. Otherwise, once you begin your relationship with Peter, you will continue in this relationship until he is through with you. If you make him cry, I will not only ruin you financially, I will also ruin your children’s children. ************************************************************
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE-AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS. __MEAGHAN_________________
Signature

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six months for processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved.

Do you still want to date my brother?
__X___ Yes, please accept my application
_____ I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong web site...

Nathan Petrelli said...

Thank you to the two latest applicants. Your applications are under serious consideration.

DJ Sarabi said...

Name _Dana Jaquelyn Sarabiscotti_ Date of birth __September 27, 1989 (uh oh, maybe im too young...)_ Sex_I'm not sure I'm ready yet..._
Employment (self employed preferred) __waitress__ Annual Income _$1,500,000.00_

*************************************

1) Family History (i.e.) Parents status in society.
Note: If you don't feel your family history is not strong enough, make sure your annual Income is at least seven figures. _dunoo... they died by freak Clinton-related "accidents"_

2) How would you be an asset to our family? _ass? oh, wait, yah... uh, one of my powers involves mind manipulation...
3) Do you have a tattoo, an earring, nose ring, or any other odd piercing?_just earrings. one in each ear. and they look normal_(If "yes" to any of #3, discontinue application)

4) Would you be willing to take a hit for the team, and give periodic haircuts while Peter is sleeping? _yes, i think i can..._
5) Do you like a man who cries at movies, commercials, and intersections?__never been tested... I'll put up with it though__
If your answer is no, proceed at your own risk. You will not be happy in this relationship.)

6) Do you like spending your free time watching a grown man chase butterflies _can i chase them too? Or will that be a problem?_
If your answer is no, again you are unlikely to be happy in this relationship. You should discontinue the application now.)

7)Are you afraid of spiders or any type of insect? _i get nervous, but i'll kill them just to get rid of the threat they press on me_If yes, would you be willing to seek help in overcoming this fear? _if i find that i fear... sure_
(If your answer is no to both questions, discontinue application. You must be able to kill bugs for Peter. He scares easily. NO…Super powers have not diminished his fear of bugs.)

8) Do you secretly feel that Nathan is more handsome than Peter?__yes, but im still a minor...__
(If your answer is no, you may discontinue application.)
********************************************************
As you may be aware, Peter is a very sensitive soul. You may think I am picking on my little bro, but this is not the case. I love him very much, and this application is to find the most suitable person to maintain his happiness. So it is with this in mind I must advise you…By submitting this application you are agreeing to the following: You are not permitted to date other people unless Peter is OK with this arrangement. Otherwise, once you begin your relationship with Peter, you will continue in this relationship until he is through with you. If you make him cry, I will not only ruin you financially, I will also ruin your children’s children. ************************************************************
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE-AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS. __DJ Sarabi__
Signature

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six months for processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved.

Do you still want to date my brother?
_____ Yes, please accept my application
----> I um, no, I uh, think myself-esteem is shot now...

Nathan Petrelli said...

Thank you for your application DJ. However, since you are not yet legal, you will have to go onto a wait list. I wouldn't want my Petey arrested.

carlynha30 said...

Well, this application is in the name of my "bestest" friend Gringa, since she is too shy to do it herself...

Name Gringa
Date of birth December 17, 1981
Sex F
Employment (self employed preferred) Translator
Annual Income In what currency?

*************************************

1) Family History (i.e.) Parents status in society.
Note: If you don't feel your family history is not strong enough, make sure your annual Income is at least seven figures. She has a very interesting family history. How would you define status in society? It is all so very relative…

2) How would you be an asset to our family? She could win all the "Latino’s" votes, since she is a Southern American…

3) Do you have a tattoo, an earring, nose ring, or any other odd piercing? Pierced ears as most of gals (If "yes" to any of #3, discontinue application)

4) Would you be willing to take a hit for the team, and give periodic haircuts while Peter is sleeping? I am pretty sure she is! I am pretty sure that she also could do many other things with Petey while he is sleeping…

5) Do you like a man who cries at movies, commercials, and intersections? Sure she does! In fact, it would be hard to guess who would cry more…
If your answer is no, proceed at your own risk. You will not be happy in this relationship.)

6) Do you like spending your free time watching a grown man chase butterflies I’m sure she would dress herself as a butterfly and make Petey chases her instead!
If your answer is no, again you are unlikely to be happy in this relationship. You should discontinue the application now.)

7)Are you afraid of spiders or any type of insect? Not that I know of If yes, would you be willing to seek help in overcoming this fear? I am pretty sure that yes. Nothing better to solve this problem as the good ol' couple's therapy (a secretly one, of course)
(If your answer is no to both questions, discontinue application. You must be able to kill bugs for Peter. He scares easily. NO…Super powers have not diminished his fear of bugs.)

8) Do you secretly feel that Nathan is more handsome than Peter? You both, in my opinion (and in hers too) are God's gift to all the women in the world! (Except for the ones that will die when Petey explodes...)
(If your answer is no, you may discontinue application.)
********************************************************
As you may be aware, Peter is a very sensitive soul. You may think I am picking on my little bro, but this is not the case. I love him very much, and this application is to find the most suitable person to maintain his happiness. So it is with this in mind I must advise you…By submitting this application you are agreeing to the following: You are not permitted to date other people unless Peter is OK with this arrangement. Otherwise, once you begin your relationship with Peter, you will continue in this relationship until he is through with you. If you make him cry, I will not only ruin you financially, I will also ruin your children’s children. ************************************************************
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE-AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS. ________________________________________
Signature
Carlynha in behalf of Gringa

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six months for processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved.

Do you still want to date my brother?
X Yes, please accept my application
_____ I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong web site...

Nathan Petrelli said...

Carlyn:
You have listed a few things that work in your favor...

Your understanding of .07% is important... I will put your friend in the maybe stack.

Mabes said...

Hows it coming? Im anxious for this job.

I really want to PLEASE your family, Mr. Petrelli.

Nathan Petrelli said...

I will probably post my decision a day or so after the season final...ummm...I mean after we save the world.

Mabes said...

Right well uh...Id like to add that explosion or no explosion, I'll still get the job done.

Campaign Photos "Click on the album and then roll the mouse across the picture for captions."