My fellow citizens:
I just wanted to take a brief moment to reiterate my commitment to working for a better New York and a better America. I have worked tirelessly on my campaign, and I shall work tirelessly once elected. In order to prove my commitment, I feel like I should recount a recent event in my life.
While preparing a case for the DA's office, I came across evidence of money laundering. This is money that was stolen from you, the hard working citizens of this state. At great personal risk to myself, I felt I should confront these thugs. Sadly, I met with some opposition... I was fortunate to slip past these men unharmed.
However, when I arrived at my hotel room, I had a run in with someone I had met in the past. She was willing to go for my manhood if I didn't give her what she wanted. Fortunately what she was after was easy to provide.
It was a sacrifice to give myself in this manner, but I do it for you…The good citizens of my state, and when elected, I plan on giving it to each of you personally. Oh, Sylar, if the future proves me to be a democrat, we may have something to talk about.