Application

My Fellow Americans:

This is the real Nathan Petrelli. I feel I must say this to you due to the recent activities of my stalker. Fortunately, I am here today with news many of you have expressed an interest in....

I have received much interest from the female population and some interest from the male population about dating my brother, Peter. Well, in spite of what my Mother says, I AM in charge of Peter. Mother may run my life, but I run Peter’s. In short, you have come to the correct person… Conversely, I am sure you can imagine how a family of such wealth and esteem must keep up appearances. Therefore, those of you who have a strong interest will be required to complete the following application. You may complete it and return it to campaign headquarters or you may copy and paste in the comment section.

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NOTE: This application will be considered incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, driving record, lineage, and current certified medical report (including drug tests) from your doctor.

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Name ____________________ Date of birth _________ Sex____
Employment (self employed preferred) _______ Annual Income ___________

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1) Family History (i.e.) Parents status in society.
Note: If you don't feel your family history is not strong enough, make sure your annual Income is at least seven figures. _________________________________________

2) How would you be an asset to our family? ____________________________________

3) Do you have a tattoo, an earring, nose ring, or any other odd piercing?_____(If "yes" to any of #3, discontinue application)

4) Would you be willing to take a hit for the team, and give periodic haircuts while Peter is sleeping? _________________________________________________

5) Do you like a man who cries at movies, commercials, and intersections?_______________________________________________________
If your answer is no, proceed at your own risk. You will not be happy in this relationship.)

6) Do you like spending your free time watching a grown man chase butterflies ____________________________________________
If your answer is no, again you are unlikely to be happy in this relationship. You should discontinue the application now.)

7)Are you afraid of spiders or any type of insect? ____If yes, would you be willing to seek help in overcoming this fear? ____________________________________
(If your answer is no to both questions, discontinue application. You must be able to kill bugs for Peter. He scares easily. NO…Super powers have not diminished his fear of bugs.)

8) Do you secretly feel that Nathan is more handsome than Peter?_____________
(If your answer is no, you may discontinue application.)
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As you may be aware, Peter is a very sensitive soul. You may think I am picking on my little bro, but this is not the case. I love him very much, and this application is to find the most suitable person to maintain his happiness. So it is with this in mind I must advise you…By submitting this application you are agreeing to the following: You are not permitted to date other people unless Peter is OK with this arrangement. Otherwise, once you begin your relationship with Peter, you will continue in this relationship until he is through with you. If you make him cry, I will not only ruin you financially, I will also ruin your children’s children. ************************************************************
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE-AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS. ________________________________________
Signature

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six months for processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved.

Do you still want to date my brother?
_____ Yes, please accept my application
_____ I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong web site...

I'm Nathan's Stalker Today... and Your's Tomorrow....

Hello...THIS IS NATHAN'S STALKER...He is a moron...A sexy moron, but a moron none the less. He doesn't even know the difference between Mohinder and the Real Mohinder....I mean really people....one of them is a lizard. He also has a bunch of idiots working for him.They can't figure out how to delete all the things I have added to his site...Like the Bush smileys and the Nathan Petrelli Make Out music.... Muhhaaaaa.....

I searched the internet to see if I could find any other people who would be willing to stalk him when I am busy with other business. At the moment, this is the only candidate for the job...(video deleted by stalker)

****Well back to square one.**** I eliminated the last potential stalker, he was giving me the creeps.

New Skills

My Fellow Citizens:

I must apologize for taking so long to post to my regular blog. I have been busy with Linderman and such…Considering that I am stuck in Vegas for a little while longer, I thought I would make good use of the time and learn some new skills. When you look at me, I know you wonder why I want to add yet another skill to my long list of attributes. You see an incredibly good-looking man with a lot going for him, and you are correct on both counts.

However, it occurs to me that the world is changing in ways that I don’t believe I can share with you at this time. Consequently, I find myself in a position where I feel it would be in my best interest to become a master at Ka-ray-tay. Yes, my friends, I have enlisted a master to teach me the art of Ka-ray-tay. He is helping me get in touch with my inner Confucius.

The training is coming along well. I had my Master take a picture of me. I hope you like it. I had to doctor the picture. It turns out that it really isn’t a good idea to wear loose shorts and raise your leg up like that.

Well so long for now. I hope to talk to you again soon.

Nathan Petrelli
Future Congressman

The Hard Decision

My fellow New Yorkers:

Things have been rather eventful in my life as of late. I recently had the most perplexing question asked of me. It has made me ponder the decisions I have made. I realize that I am not a happy person. There are a few issues in my life that plague me. I have spent countless hours trying to analyze my decision. Even now, as I write this blog, I wonder have I made the right choice? Of course in the world we live in, I can always change my mind, but I fear with the election looming, any choice I make could be the fatal one...So I come to you now, my fellow New Yorkers, please help me decide...

The Andy Griffith Hair Cut

(part to the side and bush on top)

Or the GQ Hair Cut

(Just the right amount of hair gel.)

I look to you, my friends, to help me decide. (Please respond before my next campaign speech, if possible.)

Nathan Petrelli

Congressional Candidate

I'm doing it for my country.

My fellow citizens:


I just wanted to take a brief moment to reiterate my commitment to working for a better New York and a better America. I have worked tirelessly on my campaign, and I shall work tirelessly once elected. In order to prove my commitment, I feel like I should recount a recent event in my life.


While preparing a case for the DA's office, I came across evidence of money laundering. This is money that was stolen from you, the hard working citizens of this state. At great personal risk to myself, I felt I should confront these thugs. Sadly, I met with some opposition... I was fortunate to slip past these men unharmed.









However, when I arrived at my hotel room, I had a run in with someone I had met in the past. She was willing to go for my manhood if I didn't give her what she wanted. Fortunately what she was after was easy to provide.





It was a sacrifice to give myself in this manner, but I do it for you…The good citizens of my state, and when elected, I plan on giving it to each of you personally. Oh, Sylar, if the future proves me to be a democrat, we may have something to talk about.

Job Outsourcing

My fellow New Yorkers:

Over the past month, I have had my campaign volunteers go out onto the streets and interview, you, my fellow New Yorkers to find out what issues are on your mind. Your response was one of outrage over the way jobs are being outsourced overseas. My campaign volunteers tell me that you are tired of seeing workers of third world countries being abused and used for the greed of private industry.
I would like all of you to know, that should you elect me as your Congressman, I will work with policy and law makers to ensure that jobs are not outsourced to the poor underprivileged of other countries. I will make it my mission to keep these jobs in America, were the millions of immigrants on our soil can be misused and abused. I urge you to join with me in making a New York a place of equal-opportunity exploitation.

Vote Petrelli
This message brought to you by The Nathan Petrelli for Congress Fund

The views in this speech are not necessarily the views held by: This site, The Writer, The Campaign Manager, or even Nathan Petrelli.

Bad Day

Thursday, 8:00 pm

What a day I’ve had...Whew…It started this morning when I overslept. I jumped out of the bed and ran to the shower. It was then that I noticed my little Buddy was staring at my feet instead of my beautiful face. (When I say little, it’s just figurative. It’s more like Oh My God Buddy, but I don’t like to brag...I am very humble...Anyone who receives a paycheck from me will tell you.) Well, I don’t want to go into details about that because it didn’t last long…I only mention it now to indicate how my day started off bad…You know what........ just forget that last part. Let me start again. I had a bad day today...

Since I was running so far behind, I had to stop at a drive thru for breakfast. I ordered a coffee. The young girl at the window was so enamored of my chiseled features that she dropped the coffee on me, forcing me to return home to change clothes. By the time I changed, I was running so far behind I had to “fly” to campaign headquarters.

When I arrived at my campaign headquarters, I had several messages waiting for me. I cringed when I saw the first was from the NYPD. As I called my contact there, I wondered if this was a Peter problem or a Mother problem. This time it was my Mother. I rush down to the station and bailed her out for shoplifting, AGAIN. I asked her, “What did I ever do to you? You can’t still be holding a grudge for 32 hours worth of labor.” She just flipped her stupid hair, that must be where Peter gets it, and laughed at me like it was a joke. As we left the police station, I called headquarters. Just as I had suspected, the press had already got the story on the wire. I was 4 points behind as of yesterday. I don't know that I can get enough money from Linderman to bail me out this time.

Of course the story doesn’t end there, while I was bailing out Mother, Peter left me a voice mail to meet him at his apartment. God…What now?? When I arrived at his apartment, he wasn’t there. Great!! As I turned to leave the apartment, I was attacked by… nothing… No…Crap…It was Peter. The little snot has learned how to make himself invisible. I hope he isn’t planning to tell anybody about that…This is great, just great. The election is in a few days, Mother is getting arrested, and Peter is wasting my time playing hide-and-seek. Will he ever just grow up? He acts like I have it all. You know I wouldn’t mind living in Peter’s shoes for a while. It must be nice to quit your job and daydream about saving the world all day long. Maybe I want to sleep late, mope around, & grow effeminate hair…lol, lol, lol. Who am I kidding? I am so gorgeous I want to kiss my own face in the mirror. Plus one day, I will rule…I mean run this country.

Well I must go for now. Remember we must stay the course. Blah, blah, blah…Vote Petrelli